Man. Just re-ran across a letter from years ago in which a
friend told me she was through
being my friend because of actions of mine that she never told me were
making her angry and sad. Had I known, I would have done something
about it, modified my behavior, because her happiness was important to me and I never would have willfully hurt her feelings.
I'm not used to people who don't mention that
they're upset (when they're upset enough to end a friendship) until after they've already ended it. I don't
often get into fights or have confrontations with anyone, mostly because
I'm never mad enough that I'm seriously considering severing a
connection. If I was, I'd speak up and give the person the option and
opportunity to adjust their behavior if they wanted.
Avoiding
conflict doesn't help anything - it just prevents problems from being
fixed. Friends, even the closest ones, aren't mind readers.
I
hate feeling like a bad person. Sometimes I have to wonder if
everyone's just being nice and not telling me that I'm being cruel or
selfish. I'm not a bad friend, am I? I try not to be.
Basically, if I ever do something that upsets you, please tell me, up front in clear and unequivocal terms, so I can stop doing whatever it is.
2 comments:
You doing what people say pisses me off. Stop it.
I'm being glib and clever.
I often worry that people are being kind to me by telling me I'm really smart. I suppose you can take that as an invitation not to agree with my self-doubting narrative, and in so doing prove to yourself that you're a kind person.
So I wrote this in the midst of an emotional frenzy way past when I should have been happily asleep. The angst was genuine, but now it just seems .... incredibly whiny. I think I'm going to nix this whole post.
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