I've been writing a new song. (I keep trying not to think of it as my last song. I have an appointment with the ears-nose-throat specialist in January. I'm not as scared as I was, but I'm still pretty certain that I do have vocal nodes.) It's actually uplifting, unlike this rash of downers I've been writing lately.
I write too much from my moods. But it seems to work.
Lately, I've been noticing a trend in my conversations. I tend to mock the things I say, step back and ridicule myself. Let me say: this is stupid and should stop. My resolution for the new year is to be a little less complacent, to stand up for myself more. To be confrontational. This pattern of apologizing for everything I say is ... kind of the opposite of the goal of the resolution. Something to work on.
In other news: it's the twenty-second, and it doesn't feel like Christmas. I'm not sure what to do about that.
I've done all the holiday rituals. Sat near the fireplace. Decorations are up. Made Christmas cookies. Drank eggnog. Went caroling. Wrapped presents. Listened to Christmas music almost constantly. There's snow on the ground.
This year, the traditions aren't inspiring that warmth and lazy anticipation I normally feel.
Maybe this, like so many other things, is just a sign that I'm ready to move out of the house.
1 comment:
I know!!!!! It doesn't feel like Christmas at all. I have no idea what to do. Maybe if I lock myself in the house and do nothing but watch Christmas movies and listen to Christmas music all the rest of today and all day tomorrow, up until the time we go to Aunt Trish's? Hmm...I don't know about that. It's a little sad though. I want it to feel Christmas-y. I like Christmas. Hopefully it will feel like Christmas on Christmas, at least.
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