And coming apart, just a little, at the seams

          I start working tomorrow.
          I'm so nervous I'm starting to feel kind of nauseous. (I'm trying to decide if I like the word "nauseous" better than the word "queasy" ... I'm thinking queasy, but only because it starts with Q.) Even water is making my stomach churn.
          I know it's not a big deal - I'm just going to be working the register, and maybe mixing a few smoothies. But I keep having panic attacks - my hands are cold and won't stop shaking, my throat is dry, and I can't keep myself from shivering.
          I hope this is just nerves over work. I hope it's not the vague, generalized anxiety I had in high school - the kind that made me uncomfortable and prone to insomnia as soon as night fell. I'm not afraid of the dark, per say, but I get nervous at night - more prone to worry about everything.
          I got better when I got to college.
          I think the reason for this is the constant noise and reassurance I took from the knowledge of there being other people nearby. I've said in previous posts that I have trouble falling asleep when there's total silence. I flat out have trouble doing anything when there's total silence, or when I feel like I'm completely isolated. For example, I was working alone in the Writing Center the other day, as I've done countless times before. But for some reason, I was getting a little creeped out this time. And I realized that it was because, every other time I've worked alone in the Writing Center, there has also been a campus-ful of people around. Now, during the summer, there are maybe thirty people on campus all told, and there's a lot of nothing but empty buildings all around me.

          Yeah. I know. Sometimes my paranoia gets way out of hand. It's a problem.

          But in other news, I spent a couple hours playing piano this afternoon. It'd been about a month since I'd last played. That's just not cool at all. It felt really good to sit there at the keys, playing whatever came to mind. I figured out Drops of Jupiter, which I've been meaning to do for a while.

          And in other, other news, I finally finished my major project for the summer, so that's a relief. There's some minor changes that need to be made, but for the most part, it's done.

          In extremely other news, I have to start packing so I can move back to the dorm. I'm being kicked out of the apartment on the third (everyone else comes back the 24th) because Res Life is really awesome. Note my lack of enthusiasm and sincerity in that last sentence. Oh, well. I love not having a kitchen in which to cook food to feed myself in the two weeks before the meal plan kicks in.

          Whatever. This week has been a little stressful. I'm a little frayed at the edges. Things will improve soon.