But we don't know where, and we don't know where

          So here's a bald statement: it's the end of the month. Classes start up again in a matter of weeks.
          I'm ready for the change. I'm ready for everyone to come back from break, for campus to be full and active. The social pool needs to be widened.

          The apartment is hosting another party this Saturday. I think it'll be a good end to the summer, but there's a major part of me that's ... dreading it (despite the fact that I instigated it). Parties lately have felt forced and a little strangled. They don't flow.
          There's that air of desperation - we have to be having outrageous, illicit fun! (the kind of fun that must be written with the exclamation point - which means, not really fun at all.) And the tension. The parties actually have become just an excuse to rub up on each other. There's a sense of the bad sort of anticipation - when's the next time I can decently and acceptably imbibe large amounts of alcohol in order to excuse my somewhat questionable behavior? It's like everyone shores up their desires and waits until parties to pursue or manifest them. Which is stupid. And I find myself guilty of these things, red-handed, culpable.
          It's getting old. I'm going to buy a bottle of juice and spend Saturday night drinking it and nothing else. The goal is to enjoy myself that way. I don't want to end up accidentally conditioning myself to have to be drunk in order to throw out a few ridiculous dance moves. I don't remember when I last drank just to get pleasantly buzzed.

          Oh, man. It's only ten at night, and I'm exhausted. Time to sum up my thoughts in - yeah, I know, I'm sorry - another list.

Things (good and bad) I noticed/more profoundly understood/realized in the past few weeks:

• I don't take criticism well, and therefore should probably be criticized more often, because I need practice
• Loneliness is unfortunately contagious
• Fuck it, Wendy's baked potatoes are really great, I don't care what anyone says
• Sunlight and happy music are not quite the tonics they used to be
• Caffeine and I don't mix very well
• I don't try hard enough not to be emo
• I love and hate Miranda July's style
• Lars and the Real Girl is a perfect movie - odd, funny, heartbreaking, warm, strange
• My diet of late has not contained nearly enough green vegetables, and I'm surprised to find how much I miss them
• I have less patience than I used to
• There's, heck yes, a new season of The Venture Bros.
• The ribs on my left side keep stabbing into my organs - I don't think that's how they're supposed to work
• I like raspberry peach smoothies a lot
• I think I'm okay with being a quiet sort of train wreck